This will be a companion piece to my first ever blog, The End of Safe Pride.   If you haven’t read it yet, click on the link.

I received and saw several comments that people liked my article, but kept wondering how we would get out of the space we’re in today.  That really is the million-dollar question, isn’t it?  Well, I would never claim to have the solution to that.  (I would selfishly claim the million dollars and fall off the grid if I did!)  I have been giving it some thought, however, and thought I would share how I’m going to try to get back to safe pride.

Action 1:  Quit isolating my inputs

I need to balance my news sources and make sure I am forcing myself to hear both sides.  Here is a list of newsfeeds broken out by the ideological profiles of their audiences:

Source:  Pew Research Center, http://www.journalism.org/interactives/media-polarization/,  http://www.journalism.org/interactives/media-polarization/table/trust/

P.S.  Let’s not argue about the exact placement of each and every site, please!  Clearly Fox News has a conservative lean, but clearly CNN has a liberal lean.  At least they both provide some voice to both sides of ideology.   If you want to argue the placement of sites in the columns, you might be doing exactly what I’m going to suggest you change!

If I am reading or listening to content from the sites listed in the Liberal Bias or Conservative Bias columns, I am going to force myself to read an opposing view from the other column.  I will not allow myself to only hear what I want to hear.  That cycle raises my sensitivity to opposing perspectives.  I may not change my view, but I can’t allow myself to be angered when I read or hear it.  That’s known as a trigger!  Whenever I feel the tug at my gut when I am reading something … that tug that says “this is bullshit” … I am going to try to force myself to take action. So, for example, let’s say that a friend of mine posts another article that sucks me in to reading a scourging review on The Blaze about something somebody horrible said to someone’s momma.  My bullshit meter goes off.  I will look on Slate for a countering opinion.

I’m also working to eliminate as many of those biased sources from my feed as possible.  They still creep in when friends share them, but I’m not following them anymore.  The lack of balance from those sites are adding triggers, not providing safeties, to use a firearms analogy.

Let’s all work to balance our inputs, and quit relying on isolated perspectives.  Stephen Covey’s famous 5^th Habit says “SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD”.  You can’t accomplish that if you don’t open up your perspective.

Action 2:  Use the sandwich rule

There is a feedback model that is sometimes shared in the business world to balance feedback you provide to associates.    I’ve heard it called the “Sandwich Rule” … praise followed by a suggestion on how to do your work differently, followed up with yet another praise.  You sandwich the feedback with complements to soften the message and ensure employees leave with strong self-esteem.   We can debate the effectiveness of this method at a later date, but I started thinking about the impact this could have if applied in social media.

Let’s use the same example of that article about something somebody horrible said to someone’s momma.  The posting of that article is accompanied by my friend’s lead stating “Bout time Momma got the beat down she deserved!  8 years of craptastic gobbledegook is enough!!!”  (anyone seen something like this from a friend on Facebook or Twitter?!?).    Most often, the responses to such a post fall in four categories:  1) Ignore and move on (possibly the most constructive); 2) Unfriend or Unfollow (the soft and polite unfriend!); 3) Aggressive Agreement – “Damn Skippy, dude!  Momma so deserved it!”; or, 4) Aggressive Dissent – “That is so ignorant.  Typical!  Momma so clearly said ‘Knock Him Out!’”  Any of those sound familiar?  What if instead we applied the Sandwich Rule to comment on the momma post?

Post: “Bout time Momma got the beat down she deserved!  8 years of craptastic gobbledegook is enough!!!”

Response:  PRAISE – “Thanks for sharing.  Interesting perspective” SUGGESTION – “I read another article that stated that Momma had actually nothing to do with this, so maybe this could have been avoided.  Here’s the link.”  PRAISE – “Thanks for sharing, AND thanks for listening.  I appreciate you.”

Okay, I know, that was cheesy as hell!  But isn’t it WAY better than what we’re seeing today?  How many of your friends have put out messages saying they’re going to stop following anyone who posts anything political, or more precisely, anyone who posts anything opposing their views?    I, for one, will take a little cheese over the big Yeti tumbler of Bitrex we’re being served up each day lately!

Action 3:  Listen More and Talk Less!

Have you ever heard the saying God gave you two ears and one mouth, so you should do twice as much listening as speaking?  It may have come from James 1:19, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

This idea is a nice add to Action 2 – The Sandwich Rule.  Before even considering responding, make sure you are listening well.  Use empathetic listening by trying to hear the message through their ears, and see the message through your friend’s eyes.  There are some great books and articles about listening.  Most address the bias that we all listen through.  We listen, primarily, with the intent to respond.  So, we immediately begin to craft our response.  That’s why we drift off while we “listen” to people.  We begin to think about how clever a response we will make or exactly how we’re going to zing the other person.  If I say this, they’ll really be impressed!   The author, David Augsburger, has a great quote: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

So, the action should probably be amended to read, listen more, talk less and, therefore, LOVE!

Action 4:  2 for 1

This one will be hard for me, but I’m going to give it a try!  I’m going to start using a 2 for 1 approach to posting.  For every post that I make that is argumentative, political or accusatory, I must post TWO posts that are meant to be loving, uplifting, encouraging, or inspiring.  I might amend the name of this action to the 1 Link/2 Puppies Rule!  If we all follow this formula, we will gradually change the balance of power in social media.  Today, we all cringe just a bit when we open our feeds.  Recent polls show that people are wanting to spend less time on social media because they don’t like the tone … too political!  Well, let’s do something about it.

 

I recently shared an article that was posted on Cincinnati.com by Pastor Kevin S. Aldridge  (http://www.cincinnati.com/story/opinion/contributors/2017/01/23/s-not-trump-s-us/96942316/)  It’s a really well-written article that discusses the topic of this blog directly.  In one of my favorite lines in the article, Pastor Aldridge says, “We absolutely should stand up and speak in favor of our beliefs, but we don’t have to say something about everything. And when we do open our mouths, we should endeavor to be thoughtful and solution-oriented. It’s easy to finger-point and highlight flaws.”

Another friend of mine shared the irony of the snarky back and forth that occurred in the comments section of that very article.  So, I fully expect there will be some snarky comments to this article.   And that’s fine.  Snark away.

But here’s my ask.  Try to be more open to other sides of the issues.  Give praise to others while telling them your ideas.  Listen more closely to one another.  And fill the social space with more positivity than negativity, in at least a two for one ratio!  If you do that, I’ll take a few snarky comments!